To lazy to really give it a title…

Wow. This is my problem, I sit down to write (on the one night I have a reasonable amount of homework and therefore actually have the ability to do so) and cannot think of a single thing to say. Let's see, Boys Varsity Basketball won, JV Boys lost (sorry Mike), Varsity Boys hockey spanked St. Thomas More 11-0 (#yikes)* and it is @#$%@&# freezing outside. 

But to you why does it matter. It shouldn't. I try to be inspirational, I mean seriously let's take a moment and remember the overarching title of my blog. So I try. But I don't have anything to really say that will make you cry, or make you laugh because we all know if you are looking for true entertainment simply click on this link and your joy awaits you -----> http://forlackofasmartername.blogspot.com . So what can I say? 

Well I can say this much: I'm ok not having anything to report. For once that is really a good thing. 

I can honestly say that something is going right in the world. 

…

Seriously I just went on a writing adventure. I think I had four, equally cheesy/trying-too-hard to be inspirational, ideas just pump through my head. I'm not sure I can take another one without vomiting all over myself in punishment. #Tooclose** So I wonder, as I remind myself that South Park is on tonight and I do have homework left, maybe I should start getting topic ideas from other people, then I might not be such a cheese fest. Because next time I'll make sure to daa-ble check. 

Godspeed

-T.F. 

----------------------------------------

*Hi. I'm Tiernan I've been addicted to #hashtags for about two months. "Hi, Tiernan" 

**I think I might actually need to see someone about this

"You Are Treading on Dangerous Territory There"

To write or not to write, that is the question. 

Whether tis nobler in my head to suffer the slings 

And arrows of outrageous blog posts or 

To take arms against a sea of silliness and by opposing stop writing. 

To die, to write, no more, and by write 

we mean to say the blog, aye there's the rub

To die, to write, to write, perchance to craft 

for what words my come when we have shuffled off 

this mortal toil must give us pause. 

Ok enough. I'm out. But that was fun while it lasted.

I declared at the dinner table tonight that I was going to mock Shakespeare in my next blog post. The title is what I was told after making that declaration. I had to clarify and refine my declaration to that of a mocking with the utmost respect. Because in reality, I couldn't ever do what Shakespeare did. Regardless of who the "actual" person was, the man who wrote under the name Shakespeare was a genius (if you don't know what I am talking about, the internet exists for a reason: conspiracy theories. So look it up). And so naturally I went with arguably the most famous piece of verse ever crafted (besides the bible) in Hamlet's "To Be" speech. Because who doesn't love degrading famous works to low down foolery. But here's what got me thinking. My own works are intended with as much a purpose as Hamlet or Sonnet 22 was. Mine mean something different to me, but that does not make them any lower. So in reality I am achieving what Shakespeare did. So I must be treading dangerously. Because if someone actually discovers my works, well who knows. O'Rourke may be the name of the next hundred years. Or not. 

Godspeed

-T

"To My Love"

Alright I have have "lifted" the title. Because I had to.

Claire,

You were in your element tonight. You shone up on that stage like, well, someone who was at their happiest moment could. Your choreography was wonderful and very powerful and those lines were great. So yes. All this is, is a congratulatory post. Well done love.

-T.F.

Reflection

Reflection

I send my gaze to the glassy pool beside me

As the canopy of stars envelops my mind and the chilled air fills my lungs.
Muttering every so subtly, the figure stares back at me, daring a closer look

Not a single moment breaks the pane of so intent a glare.
On and on the figure taunts me, but all I see is the face.
The silence holds onto a still face, ready to be broken by a single touch.

And yet the face I see looks normal,
Like any other face I’ve seen it seems fine, but with every look I grow uneasy
Relentlessly I try to splash at the water got what lies below
In that moment the face is gone and my hand cannot close
Grating my teeth as my hand retreats, the figure returns to normal.
Holding onto myself I look again, the figure smirks at me
That which he hides below is too difficult to see.

Over and over I squeeze my hand, hoping the pain will die
Never again will I try so hard to reach beyond
Lest I hurt myself again, but this time more damaging.
Yet I try and try to stare at this figure and see

As the stars begin to fade, and my mind begins to calm

Remedies seem close at hand
Each and every thought reminds me of my pain but
For brief moments I stare and see nothing
Life returns to normal, the thoughts slow down, the figure stops staring
Externally I look fine, I feel fine
Clarity comes into my head and I stand to leave
The next time I return to the fountain I’ll know
I only saw simplicity
Onward I moved away.
Now, darkness. 

The only reason to have a blog anyways....

Yep.

As you can guess, the title suggest something about my blog. It is the ultimate procrastination tool. Because I could be reading Hamlet right now. I could be working on precalculus. And I could be doing all sorts of things. Instead I am writing on a blog read by maybe 5 people. But hey at least you guys get the message, right?

So yea. I guess I could say I'm back? (Along with CK of course this makes the boyS part). So yes. Maybe for once in my life I will be able to commit to something. Or not.

I'm going to try, just for you. So yea, feel special about yourself...because I feel special about myself now (it's that warm kind of egotism that you get when you know you did something right and earned brownie points with the white-bearded guy upstairs, doesn't it make you so happy?).

Enjoy while this lasts, because hey you never know how long it will be.
Kind of like your life.

Godpseed,
T.F.

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Well. I am sittin on my front porch about to embark on great journey with the infamous one-named man. And what a gorgeous day it is. His house is for all intents and purposes my second home, the great beyond, and the best place to spend most of my summer. Maybe today after some long hardcore summer-ing, I can give you a real blog. How about that? But as for now go on and enjoy your day as I enjoy mine.

It's Time (which in my typical ADD way is a fantastic song)

So here I am, it is just past midnight, my internet is working still (a thought so fearful that even I am not quite sure what is happening), and I listen to the rain splash, tinkling the pavement outside my window. And before I even started writing I knew what most of this would sound like.
Man I have missed this.

Let's take it back a bit here, shall we? About this whole I haven't posted in a while: IT WAS EXAM WEEK AND I HAD "STUDYING" TO DO, OK? In reality my actual, physical friends needed attention as most of them I was leaving for the summer. You guy(s) are my friends, just at that time the backup friends. So anyway, if it was exam week, it means that now it is not. YAY LOGIC! But yes, that does mean I am done with school and it is now summer.

My sumer has begun in several spectacular ways. I began with a wonderful night out with some fantastic friends (get the full scoop here), then saw a stunning performance of The Pirates of Penzance! at A.R.T in Boston, have already begun rehearsals for one show, have come upon and electric guitar, and so much more is in store. Everything has gone according to plan-ish. Everything I have hoped for has happened. And yet, something is missing from me.

Remember those friends I was talking about? I'm missing them. Every moment I have texted the blonde of our group has made me smile; the jokes that keep cropping up in my head revive laughter buried away because it started in church. I lack the ability to mess with the dynamic duo. I miss these people whom I got to know in a matter of weeks. I miss being the walking talking guide to all things relationships. I miss being the eldest among my friends group for once in my entire &@##!*@%^$!ing life. And the scary thing is that I have only been gone six days. Not even a week. But these people have helped become my lifelines. They are the friends that I have gone to with the hundreds of problems that are wrong with the world and that are an injustice to me. They are the friends who I knew I could make my incredibly bad and perfectly timed sex jokes to and still get a laugh out of. And now I don't have them.

Instead I have the other group of friends, the one where I am among the youngest, the one where I love all of the people in the group as much or more than my actual family, the one that I will see almost every friday night for this summer. These people are the ones who already know everything there is to know, I go to them for all things relationships, they take care of me the same way I hope to take care of my Abbey friends. So yes, I miss my friends down south-ish, but what more could I ask from home.

And that is what is so special about my life, about my summer. A home is not a building, it is a place. A place where the people who are most special to you, the ones you care about most, live. I have two homes. And I know that I will get to be a part of both of them this summer. I wish I had more beautiful things to say, more poetic things, but I'll leave it as simply as I did. I have learned much in recent escapades with all of these friends ("siblings") and I know now to cherish each moment I'm with them. They sure can make them count.

Godspeed!
-T.F.

This Is the Week

My favorite week of the year has arrived, the week before spring term exams. It is the week of no obligations, endless cookouts, and wonderful glorious bonding time with friends. I spent the hours from 1:30 to 7:30 with my closest friends playing sweet music, talking out great huge philosophical ideas, and laughing. What a day.

Think of that feeling when you met a new sibling for the first time (or for you only-children a new cousin or your favorite toy in the world), that is the feeling I feel every time I am with these people. If you read a certain blog, then you know Claire and how she raves about certain people. Well these are the same people. Zoe & Emma (by the way never assume that because they are twins that they are one and the same, trust me a bad idea), Caellum, Raasanh, Kelley, Mike. They are all fantastic people and wonderful musicians (yes even you Claire). But that is why this week is my favorite. I get to enjoy every moment with these people.

Life throws curveballs at us. Sometimes we are confused, sometimes we see clearly. But whatever times we are in, with good friends and great company it doesn't matter.

I don't have much time left to write, but think about the times. Find your friends, find your family.

Godspeed
-T.F.

Music for Thought

Some wonderful tracks to contemplate. 

Who's Thinking About You Now by Jason Mraz: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyo6JOI4ELc

& 

The Temptation of Adam (awesomely dark): 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvCeCVmJAUA 

Enjoy friends! 

As always (I only forgot 1.5 times) 

Godspeed!

-T.F. 

How

How?

In only a moment,
you've seen a lifetime.
So much, So little.
So high, so low.

But even eyes enliven a night.
A beautiful story, a spell; gorgeous.

---
So how can we know,
what feeling this is,
whose life we are living,
what all of it means?

How can we feel,
this thought we have,
that notion we had,
those we know?

Every experience exaggerates
what we think we know; how?

A warning

The next one is a poem I wrote. Hope you enjoy it. That's all.

Talking

That's right, I am not doing the things I should be. Just for you. So pay attention. 

You know who you are, and you know what you love. Yes, I said love. Sometimes it's hard to know. Sometimes, you can't get what you want (cough cough). But you know what that is ok. Everything will be fine. But it is time to talk. 

I've always been a talker. People who know me understand that they must yell at time to get me to shut up. So it should come at no surprise that I always think talking things out is the best. But what else is there? So often those feelings we do not express are the most painful. No one knows our internal struggle. We all suffer everyday. I suffer. I will not share things with other people. I cannot. And somehow in those moments when I most need to stop hearing the sound of my own voice, that is when I am most alone. The times when we face our biggest fears, when everything we do challenges what we know, when all that is left is the unbearable option. Those moments are the coldest. 

And yet, you and I have hope. We need to talk. That is the hardest part, admitting that is our need. But the moments when joy shakes your whole body, the moment when you feel freest, the easiest time, come after talking. Talking it out. Whatever it may be. When life takes a turn, throws a curveball, talk. it. out. It sucks, I'll admit it. I cannot even do it most of the time. But this is not about me (right now). It's for you. 

I'm right behind you, it's what friends are for. Hakunna Matatah. It means no worries, for the rest of your days. 

If I could think straight, I'd call this something

Well, how are you? Good? Good. I'm glad. Sort of.

Anyway, currently I am blogging from a coffeeshop. What have I done with my life? I mean seriously...But as the saying goes,"" I have no idea if there is a saying that covers this but I was going to make something up. Dear lord I am tired. I have no energy. None. But there is one thing that keeps me going right now. The idea that if I do keep going I will reach my summer. A summer full a musicals, guitar, friends, fires, good company, great laughs, and baseball. That is something to look forward to.

Hold on I'm watching a hockey game.....

Ok back to what I was saying. Summer is right around the corner. I can taste it. I can feel the joy of those summer days. Those ones where I sit outside with my guitar teaching myself new chords. Hoping to learn one song by the end of the summer. I can also picture the ridiculously hot ones where I trim the hedges, mow the lawn, water the garden, and do whatever else I am required to do to earn my share of movie tickets and Orange leaf trips (if you don't know what orange leaf is, shame on you).

But my summer will lack one thing. One very very important thing; a person. That person (who knows who she is) will be off doing incredible things at the Alvin Ailey dance program, and then in Ireland exploring the great land of her forefathers. And I will be at home, wishing to spend each moment with her. But I'll be still hoping the best for her, knowing that she is exactly where she needs to be.

Away from the more depressing things of this summer. The embodiment of my summer s found here, in this song. It is everything my summer is about. Anyway, that is a goal to get to. First I have to get there. Somehow. I will see you on the other side. I promise to start writing again, eventually. I'm sure something will pop up.

Godspeed
-T.F.

A Post-preface

I know, I know, terrible title. But I felt the piece I just published needed to be seen as its own. So this is the preface to that piece. I split into Italics for a reason, see if you can figure it out. Other than that I'll let the piece do the talking. Enjoy!

Godspeed
-T.F.  

Something Beautiful

It’s not often that a moment of pure emotion happens. Yet, these moments are the ones that we as humans cherish most. Every second, it seems, is captured in our imagination. To remember, to cherish, to understand. 

Love envelops the entirety of emotion. It’s back and forth nature, its pure form, they strengthen the bonds we have. It has never been possible to not know that you are in love. The heart-wrenching, skin-tingling, blood-pumping, single most powerful feeling in the world happens only so rarely. And when it does, that is something beautiful. When that delicate face turns to look, when those eyes sparkling a bright dart across, when the bounce in their laugh rings in the air, when their soft skin brushes yours, and you make eye contact in the most astounding and inspiring glance of your life. That is something beautiful. 

But in a world full of such sensitive powers, only so much can exist. One day. One word. One moment. So brief an instant, and yet gone with it: that soft skin, that bouncing laugh, those darting eyes, that delicate face. It is so easy to lose all of it. So quickly can one mistake lead to other, can one word derail thousands of others, one simple little phrase, can change an entire lifetime. It only takes a moment to realize what you had, but in that moment, love is only what you had. 

It is in those moments, when only emotion takes over your body, when only your heart speaks to you, when that foolish device called logic waits its turn, that so much changes. Too many times have you looked back and not given your all. Too many times have you given up and let her go. Too many times have you sat around on your ass, because your brain said let her go, there will be another one. 

There will never be another one like her. There will never come someone who knows my secrets like she does. No one will ever learn what it means to conquer my heart, for only she has. No one will know what it means to be there at god-knows what hour, just because. I shares thoughts often, I rarely share emotion. But one person knows what that means to me. No one will know what it is to dream an impossible dream, and feel each day one step closer to the physical realization of that dream. No one will ever kiss with such precious lips with a passion that means more than the kiss. Only she is, only she does. There will never be anyone like her. 

The understanding that she will never return is heart-wrenching. To lose love, means losing a life. A life that you have come to build with that delicate face, whose eyes dart, whose laugh bounces, whose skin brushes gently on yours. If that is lost. What is there left? But love is never lost. The memories of those eyes, that laugh, the skin, that delicate intense face live on. The joy of love knows no tense. If you loved, you still love. Let those moments of love never be lost. It is in those reflective moments of emotion that love lives on. Those moments are rare. Those moments are necessary. 

And in those moments, when the memories of love come flooding back in. And a smile crosses your face, and your blood starts pumping, and your skin starts tingling, and your heart starts warming, that is when you see your love again. You have not lost her yet, she loved you back, she loves you more. Love: That is something beautiful. 

Lindsey Stirling

I've been meaning to say. Lindsey Stirling. Because, well, Lindsey Stirling. If you don't know who that is, the you need some major help: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sf6LD2B_kDQ

In Which I Write on Materialism, My Beloved Red Sox, and Latin

Let's go backwards.

Topic one: Latin.

It sucks. It's hard, translation is awful. There. Topic one, done.

Topic two: My Beloved Red Sox.

They have not always been beloved that is for damn sure. I spent the greater part of two years hating their guts and their seeming inability to play as a team. Sure, professional sports are incredibly hard and require precise talent, and immense mental stability. But, these guys were all kids who grew up and learned how to play as a team. I take a look back and I see the old "Cowboy Up!" team of '03 and the World Series winning team of '04 and I feel the chemistry in me. There was something special about those teams. They were not teams filled with ten hall-of-famers, they had few All-Stars. They were teams of Kevin Millar, Tim Wakefield, Jason Varitek, the leaders on and off the field. The so-called clubhouse guys. And as I watch this season's team, I am beginning to get a sense of that kind of team. I watched a game tonight, where Mike Napoli doubles into the right field corner, and the first thing he does standing up on the base is point to the dugout and give a thumbs up. This team has heart, they have soul, and they are learning how to win games. I say learning because even at 12-6 they have lost a few extra inning games that they had won. But this team is good. He currently is not on the roster, but Jackie Bradley Jr. (JBJ-he will pop up in this blog again) will make a difference on this team. As much as I resented the $39 million they gave Mike Napoli, I like seeing him play in a Red Sox uniform. And the other members of the clubhouse that I don't even need to mention are playing the way they should and can. My Red Sox, the team that I grew up dreaming about every night before I went to bed, have come back. They are my beloved Red Sox. I still dream of stepping out onto Fenway's grass with the Red and White on. And this team, a fun team to watch, a team I can believe in and have faith in, has brought that dream back to life. Play Ball.

Topic three: Materialism.

I am too over tired to elaborate much on the subject tonight, however I have begun a thought process that scares me a little. The existential question in life, "Do we, as humans, matter?" Scientifically, no. Spiritually, yes? The bottom line is that to ponder this question in the most logical sense, a sense Descartes might use, would be to put the entirety of existence into perspective. I am a man. I am one of 7 billion on Earth. Earth is a planet in a space that is theoretically infinite, thus Earth is one of and infinite number. To put that in perspective, if you had an infinite wall of blue pool balls, just blue no number, and you had one red one, what is the significance of that red ball? Nothing. Simply nothing. And, if everything is in perspective, this life means nothing. Yet, if this life means nothing, what do we live for? We do not, cannot know whether there is in fact an afterlife. If that is the case, where do we go? Why do we continue to exist. This is the core of Materialism, and even further Nihilism. I have no idea where my thought on this subject will go next. All I know right now is that I know nothing. "Now...darkness" -Evegeni Vasilich Bazarov, Chapter 28, Fathers and Children, Ivan Turgenev

Godspeed
-T.F.

P.S. - Oh

Well, apparently the formatting when I write is DIFFERENT when I publish. It's things like that, that I hate. I'll get into hate later. It's not as bad as many people think. Anyway, sorry about the formatting issues in the first post. I'm working on that...

Here Goes Nothing and Genesis

To those of you reading this:    Hooray for you. Secondly, anything I say in this blog can and will be
                                                  held against you. Thirdly, welcome to my life.

In short, this blog is not really about "getting out there", or being social in a non-social way, if that makes any sense. It's about a guy, who is very bored and wants something somewhat meaningful to do. So here goes nothing.

I'm going to make two statements: 1. I promise not to vent/rant/rage/write in all caps.
                                                       2. I break promises occasionally.

In all seriousness this is me: I try too hard to be funny (I will kill jokes, trust me), I love music (my taste includes metal, broadway, and Jason Mraz to give you and understanding), and I LOVE baseball. I'm a chaotic mix of energy, curiosity, and hate. So there. Now you know me, even if you didn't want to.

And now for my creation story:

         In the beginning, There was me. And I would say that I was divinely inspired to write this, but I would be lying. I was inspired by a couple of incredible people (some of the few I don't hate, but more on that in future blogs) whose blogs you can find here and here. I was inspired to write because well, I've always hated it. I hate writing with a burning passion, yet somehow it never leaves my life. So if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. This blog is a challenge. It's a challenge to be a better writer, it's a challenge to find time for it, it's a challenge to not blast the entire world in my first post, and it's a challenge to get more page views that C.K. Writerman. I hope that with the creation of this blog, I am doing something that, for once, I will keep up with and not abandon within a week.

And seeing as certain homework related items call me, I finish there. However, more to come, more to give. Goodnight, good luck!

Godspeed!
-T.F.